Facing Death

The Mature Lover does not look away from death. He faces it. The strange thing is, looking at death makes life brighter, not darker. Death is not the enemy. The real enemy is going through life without ever living. He keeps asking himself: if I died tomorrow, would I be at peace with how I spent today?

The Addict uses pleasure and distraction to avoid death. The Hermit is paralyzed by death anxiety, unable to live fully because he's afraid to die. The Mature Lover faces death and lets that awareness fuel his living.

Facing death includes:

Memento mori: The Lover keeps mortality in awareness. Not morbidly, but to stay awake to life's preciousness.

Letting go of trivial concerns: Death awareness puts things in perspective. The Lover focuses on what matters and releases what doesn't.

Appreciating what we have: The Lover doesn't take people or experiences for granted. Everything is temporary.

Living fully now: The Lover does not postpone living for someday. Someday may never come.

Making peace: The Lover resolves conflicts and expresses love. He does not leave important things unsaid.

Knowing that everyone we love will die, and that we will die on them, changes how we love. It strips away the pettiness. The Lover who faces death does not save his love for later. There may not be a later.

The Cosmic Perspective

We practice viewing our life from cosmic perspective, "the view from above." From the stars, our troubles shrink to nothing. Our entire life is a brief flash.

This is not nihilism. It is relief. When a man sees himself as one small part of something unimaginably large, the petty stuff falls away. What remains is being here, loving the people in front of him, and doing something useful with his time.

Step outside the narrow view. See life from very far away. The heartbreak, the money worries, the need to be seen, it all shrinks to almost nothing. What remains is the plain fact of being alive at all, and the question of what we will do with the time we have.