Setting Expectations

The Mature King says what he expects, out loud, and offers it like something useful rather than something punishing. The Victim stews in resentment because he never told anyone what he wanted in the first place. The Tyrant barks orders and calls them expectations.

When people know what's expected of them, they can actually deliver. Without clarity, everyone fills in the blanks differently and then gets upset about it. The King is selective about what he expects—he doesn't drown people in rules and demands.

Pay attention to disappointment and resentment: These feelings signal broken expectations. Take full responsibility. Ask: Is there an unspoken expectation here? The King makes it explicit without blame or shame.

Get acceptance: The King asks whether the other person accepts his expectation. "James, I noticed you were late again. I expect people to be on time when they meet with me and to call if they're running late. Can I expect that of you, or would you like me to drop it?"

That's what separates the King from the Tyrant and the Victim. The King checks whether the other person is on board. The Tyrant never asks. The Victim never speaks up.

Follow through: If someone accepts our expectation, we can share disappointment when they don't meet it. Depending on the setting, there may be consequences. This is the King's gift—holding others to a standard they want for themselves.

Drop what's declined: If someone declines our expectation, drop it. Take full responsibility. We may need to adjust our realm's boundaries.

Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind. The King who sets clear expectations creates a realm where people know what's expected and can succeed.

The King's expectations are invitations, not burdens. When he holds someone to what they agreed to, he's saying, "I think you're capable of this." Most people want to rise to a clear standard. They just need someone to tell them what the bar looks like.