"Every criticism, judgment, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need."
Considering All Needs
Beneath every conflict lie unmet needs and unacknowledged feelings. Most conflicts arise because people have legitimate but competing needs. The Mature King doesn't choose sides. He helps people identify what they're feeling and what they truly need, then seeks creative solutions that honor everyone.
The Tyrant dismisses feelings as weakness and considers only his own needs. The Pushover drowns in feelings and tries to meet everyone's needs, which means nobody's needs actually get met. The Mature King wades into the emotional mess with his eyes open and his heart intact.
Considering all needs requires several capacities:
Emotional literacy: The King distinguishes anger from frustration, sadness from disappointment, fear from anxiety.
Curiosity: The King approaches emotions with interest rather than judgment.
Empathy: The King feels into each person's experience and understands why their needs matter.
Needs consciousness: The King knows what people need at the root level—safety, belonging, autonomy, meaning. He can tell the difference between the need itself and the strategy someone has chosen to meet it.
Creativity: The King seeks solutions that meet multiple needs at once. He rejects false either/or choices.
Prioritization: When needs truly conflict, the King prioritizes based on what serves the realm's wellbeing.
Transparency: The King clarifies which needs can be met and which cannot, and why.
Naming the real needs underneath changes the whole conversation. A couple fighting about money might discover that she needs to feel safe and he needs to feel free. Those needs can coexist—they just need a smarter solution than whoever yells loudest wins. Workers who need fair pay and owners who need to keep the doors open aren't natural enemies—they need someone willing to hold both realities at once.
The King who gets good at this builds a world where people feel heard. Arguments stop being wars and start being the uncomfortable conversations that bring people closer. Even when someone doesn't get what they wanted, they walk away knowing their side was taken seriously.