Self-Pleasuring

Self-pleasure is natural, healthy, and sacred. The Mature Lover gives himself pleasure—sexual and otherwise—without shame or compulsion. His self-pleasuring is an act of self-love and body honoring.

The Addict uses self-pleasure compulsively, unable to regulate or enjoy it healthily. He uses it to escape rather than to celebrate. The Hermit denies himself all pleasure, seeing it as shameful or wrong. He's cut off from his body's capacity for joy. The Mature Lover pleasures himself with both freedom and wisdom.

Healthy self-pleasuring includes:

Freedom from shame: The Lover pleasures himself without guilt or shame. Self-pleasure is natural and healthy.

Presence: The Lover is present to the pleasure rather than using it to escape or numb. He savors rather than consumes.

Moderation: The Lover pleasures himself in healthy amounts, not compulsively or to the exclusion of connection with others.

Variety: The Lover explores different forms of pleasure—sensual, aesthetic, physical, emotional.

Self-love: The Lover's self-pleasuring is an expression of self-love and body appreciation.

Sacred: The Lover experiences self-pleasure as sacred, a way of honoring his body and aliveness.

Self-pleasuring might mean masturbation, enjoying a beautiful meal alone, taking a luxurious bath, or any way of giving yourself pleasure. The Lover's self-pleasuring is healthy and life-affirming.

When the Lover can give himself pleasure, he's not dependent on others for it. He comes to relationships from fullness rather than neediness. He doesn't need someone else to make him feel good—he can do that for himself.

The Lover who masters self-pleasuring becomes someone who is comfortable in his body, who can give himself what he needs, and who approaches pleasure with health and wisdom.