Facing Death

The Mature Lover doesn't look away from death. He faces it. And the strange thing is, looking at death makes life brighter, not darker. Death is not the enemy. The real enemy is going through life without ever really living. He keeps asking himself: if I died tomorrow, would I be okay with how I spent today?

The Addict uses pleasure and distraction to avoid death. The Hermit is paralyzed by death anxiety, unable to live fully because he's afraid to die. The Mature Lover faces death and lets that awareness fuel his living.

Facing death includes:

Memento mori: The Lover keeps mortality in awareness—not morbidly, but to stay awake to life's preciousness.

Letting go of trivial concerns: Death awareness puts things in perspective. The Lover focuses on what matters and releases what doesn't.

Appreciating what we have: The Lover doesn't take people or experiences for granted. Everything is temporary.

Living fully now: The Lover doesn't postpone living for someday. Someday may never come.

Making peace: The Lover resolves conflicts and expresses love. He doesn't leave important things unsaid.

Knowing that everyone you love will die, and that you will die on them, changes how you love. It strips away the pettiness. The Lover who faces death doesn't save his love for later. There may not be a later.

The Cosmic Perspective

Practice viewing our life from cosmic perspective—"the view from above." From the stars, our troubles shrink to nothing. Our entire life is a brief flash.

This isn't nihilism. It's relief. When you see yourself as one small part of something unimaginably large, the petty stuff falls away. What's left is being here, loving the people in front of you, and doing something useful with your time.

Step outside the narrow view. See yourself from very far away. Your heartbreak, your money worries, your need to be seen, it all shrinks to almost nothing. What's left is the plain fact that you're alive at all, and the question of what you're going to do with the time you have.