Responsibility

The Victim thinks responsibility is a burden that reduces his freedom. He doesn't understand that avoiding responsibility is the opposite of freedom. The less responsibility he takes, the weaker he gets, and the smaller his world becomes as a result. The Victim depends on other people to take care of his realm rather than learning to care for himself. In this way, he limits his own growth and cedes control of his life to others.

The Tyrant tries to control others. This makes them weak and keeps him in control. He does things for others that they can do for themselves. As a result, he can never relax or rest, and is never free. There is always more to manage, more to fix; he becomes trapped by his need to oversee everything. His fear of losing control drives him to take on too much.

The Mature King understands that the more he is responsible for others, the freer he is. He takes as much responsibility as he can and expects others to be responsible for themselves, honoring the natural balance. He leads his pack but expects them to be responsible. He doesn't control them, and doesn't leave them. This balance fosters mutual trust and respect within his realm.

Mature Responsibility Principles

• Define clear boundaries for your realm, and revisit them often
• Take full responsibility for everything inside your realm, and don't take responsibility for anything outside it, no matter the temptation
• Take full responsibility for your feelings, actions, and needs
• Don't take responsibility for other people's feelings, actions, or needs—respect their autonomy
• Only help when someone asks for help and don't push your help on anyone, even if you think you know best
• Don't let anyone do something for you that you can do for yourself
• Don't do something for someone that they can do for themselves, even if it's faster
• Expand your realm every day by increasing what you're responsible for, going one step further than the day before
• Respect other's freedom to live their lives and make their own choices, even when you disagree

The Paradox of Responsibility and Freedom

Responsibility increases freedom. Many people don't understand this paradox.

The Victim sees responsibility as a burden that limits his options. He believes avoiding responsibility will give him more freedom. The opposite is true. The less responsibility he takes, the more he depends on others, losing his choice.

The Tyrant tries to gain freedom by controlling others. He makes them responsible for his needs and wants. This creates a prison. The Tyrant becomes enslaved to the need to control. The more he micromanages, the less real freedom he enjoys.

The mature King understands true freedom. It comes from taking full responsibility for his own life and realm while allowing others to be responsible for theirs. He trusts that others can handle their own choices, and this trust liberates him.

Responsibility and Personal Power

Responsibility connects to personal power. The more responsibility a person takes, the more power they develop.

This connection exists because responsibility needs and develops capability. When someone takes responsibility for an outcome, they must develop the skills, knowledge, wisdom, and character needed to get that outcome.

When someone avoids responsibility, they don't develop these capabilities. They remain dependent on others and never find their own strength. Accepting responsibility is the first step toward building real inner power.

Boundaries and Responsibility

Clear boundaries are needed for healthy responsibility. The King must know where his realm ends and others' realms begin.

This clarity prevents both over-functioning and under-functioning. Boundaries allow the King to focus his energy where it can be most effective, ensuring his efforts serve rather than control.

Boundaries also protect the King from manipulation. Some people try to make him responsible for their feelings, choices, or outcomes—a game he refuses to play.

Expanding the Realm

The mature King expands his realm by taking on greater responsibility. This expansion is not about collecting power for its own sake or feeding the ego.

This expansion happens slowly. The King doesn't take on more responsibility than he can handle well. But he also doesn't stay in his comfort zone or shrink from worthy challenges.

As the King's realm expands, so does his influence and impact, and he becomes a model for those around him. Others look to him for guidance and leadership.

Teaching Responsibility

One of the King's most important functions is teaching others to be responsible. He does this through his example, living his values rather than lecturing.

The King doesn't do for others what they can do for themselves. By allowing others to handle their own responsibilities, he helps them develop their own power and agency.

The King doesn't rescue others from the consequences of their choices. He allows people to learn from their mistakes without shame.

Living Responsibly

For the mature King, responsibility is not a burden. It's a source of meaning, purpose, and fulfillment, a foundation for a good life.

The King approaches responsibility with both seriousness and lightness. He takes his obligations seriously but doesn't carry them as a heavy burden, nor does he use them as an excuse.

The King's responsibility shows in his commitment to leaving his realm better than he found it, and in how he nurtures those within it. He creates a legacy through consistent, responsible action.

Inquiry

• Where does your sense of responsibility become a way to control others?
• How do you use over-responsibility to avoid your own needs?
• Where do you carry burdens that aren't yours to carry?
• What have you taken responsibility for that has given your life meaning?
• What would you be free to do if you stopped blaming circumstances?