Responsibility

The Victim thinks responsibility is a burden that reduces his freedom. He doesn't understand that avoiding responsibility is the opposite of freedom. The less responsibility he takes, the weaker he gets, and the smaller his world becomes. The Victim depends on others to care for his realm rather than learning to care for himself. He limits his growth and cedes control of his life to others.

The Tyrant tries to control others to make them weak and keep himself in control. He does things for others that they can do for themselves. As a result, he can never relax or rest. There is always more to manage, more to fix. He becomes trapped by his need to oversee everything, his fear of losing control driving him to take on too much responsibility.

The Mature King understands that responsibility creates freedom. He takes as much responsibility as he can and expects others to be responsible for themselves. He leads his pack but doesn't control them. This balance fosters trust and respect within his realm.

Mature Responsibility Principles

• Define clear boundaries for our realm, and revisit them often
• Take full responsibility for everything inside our realm, and nothing outside it
• Take full responsibility for our feelings, actions, and needs
• Don't take responsibility for other people's feelings, actions, or needs—respect their freedom
• Help when someone asks for help. Don't push our help on anyone
• Don't let anyone do something for us that we can do for ourselves
• Don't do something for someone that they can do for themselves, even if it's faster
• Expand our realm every day by taking more responsibility
• Respect others' freedom to live their lives and make their own choices, even when we disagree

The Paradox of Responsibility and Freedom

Responsibility increases freedom. The Victim sees responsibility as a burden that limits his options. He believes avoiding responsibility will give him more freedom. The opposite is true. The less responsibility he takes, the more he depends on others for basic needs and becomes trapped in weakness.

The Tyrant tries to gain freedom by controlling others. He makes them responsible for his needs and wants. This creates a prison for himself. The more he micromanages, the less real freedom he enjoys.

The Mature King understands true freedom comes from taking full responsibility for his own life and realm while allowing others to be responsible for theirs. He trusts that others can handle their own choices, and this trust liberates him completely from the need to manage everyone around him.

Responsibility and Personal Power

Responsibility connects directly to personal power. The more responsibility a person takes, the more power they develop over time.

When someone takes responsibility for an outcome, they must develop the skills, knowledge, wisdom, and character needed to achieve that outcome. When someone avoids responsibility, they remain dependent on others and never find their own strength. Accepting responsibility is the first step toward building real inner power and authentic confidence.

Boundaries and Responsibility

Clear boundaries are essential for healthy responsibility. The King must know where his realm ends and others' realms begin.

This clarity prevents both over-functioning and under-functioning. Boundaries allow the King to focus his energy where it can be most effective. Boundaries protect the King from manipulation and resentment. Some people try to make him responsible for their feelings, choices, or outcomes—a game he refuses to play with wisdom and firmness.

Expanding the Realm

The Mature King expands his realm by taking on greater responsibility. This expansion happens slowly and deliberately. The King doesn't take on more responsibility than he can handle well, but he doesn't stay in his comfort zone or shrink from worthy challenges that will grow his capacity.

As the King's realm expands, so does his influence and impact. He becomes a model for those around him. Others look to him for guidance and leadership, naturally drawn to his demonstrated competence and unwavering inner strength.

Teaching Responsibility

One of the King's most important functions is teaching others to be responsible. He does this through example, living his values rather than lecturing about them with empty words.

The King doesn't do for others what they can do for themselves. By allowing others to handle their own responsibilities, he helps them develop their own power and agency through direct experience.

The King doesn't rescue others from the natural consequences of their choices. He allows people to learn from their mistakes without shame or judgment.

Living Responsibly

For the Mature King, responsibility is not a burden. It's a source of meaning, purpose, and fulfillment—a foundation for a good life.

The King approaches responsibility with both seriousness and lightness. He takes his obligations seriously but doesn't carry them as a heavy burden on his shoulders.

The King's responsibility shows in his commitment to leaving his realm better than he found it. He creates a lasting legacy through consistent, responsible action taken over time.

Inquiry

• Where does your sense of responsibility become a way to control others?
• How do you use over-responsibility to avoid addressing your own needs?
• Where do you carry burdens that aren't yours to carry?
• What have you taken responsibility for that has given your life meaning?
• What would you be free to do if you stopped blaming circumstances?